barack obama short articles
Editing… and addiing, revising plz plz help 
?
can someone help me revise my work. i hav to do 1 paragraph on the article i chose and 1 paragraph about my reaction or opinion
can yew plzz help me add too its too short. grr
This article is about how Barack Obama’s speech was a success to some people, but not to others. He made clear of what he would do if he were president, but his speech was less then expected. Obama still has to convince voters who were supporting Hilary Clinton to vote for him.
My opinion to this article is that I think that Obama’s speeches were admirable to a point, but all of his speeches need to be outstanding in order to get a much bigger crowd. His experience level all ready brings his votes down so he has to be above the level then McCain in order to reach his standards and his highest ability. With that I think Obama has an outstanding chance to becoming our new president.
It seems to me that on one hand you support Obama but on the other you seem to be criticizing him. What viewpoint are you actually taking here?
Your grammar is not so great and there were several sentences where it was not clear.
“He made clear of what he would do if he were president, but his speech was less then expected.”
Try “Obama made his intentions clear on what he would do if elected president but the speech was less than expected.”
You keep using THEN when you meant THAN.
“His experience level all ready brings his votes down so he has to be above the level then McCain in order to reach his standards and his highest ability.”
How so? Is this strictly opinion or fact? Support it. And it should be “already”.
A suggestion:
“His experience level arguably reduces supporters therefore he needs to reach farther than McCain to truly highlight his ability and standards.”
There are others but I don’t have the time to go through all of them right now.
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